Mind your mental health this Christmas

Typically, what should a Christmas be like?

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Mulled wine, endless boxes of chocolate leaving only the coconut ones at the bottom (to my joy- LOVE coconut), and a house filled with the wild laughter of a million and one family members. Elf has been on repeat for the eleventh time since the 1st of December, and you're trying to nicely wrap the presents you spent 2 months trying to find for your incredibly hard-to-shop-for partner, but you end up with a papery mess of sellotape. 

But...

Some families this year will be sat watching Elf with an empty space on the sofa. For 20,000 families this year, the space will be filled in a hospital bed because of a mental health problem. 

It is so important for me to write about mental health particularly in December. I know previous Christmas' for me have been difficult to deal with, and I'm betting a couple of you reading this will resonate with that. I've had Decembers where I've not been counting down the days until it's Christmas, but rather until it's over. If you happen to be doing just that, then this might be good for you to read.

'How can you NOT be excited about Christmas?!'

The common response of utter shock if someone might not be looking forward to the Christmas holidays. I'm writing this so you can understand a little more about why for some people, this can be quite an unbearable time of year.

Depression

Work on yourself at your own pace x

Whether it's SAD, bipolar or unipolar depression it sucks the life and energy out of its hosts. When you've spent every day of the year trying to fight an uphill battle, one day surrounded by the expectation of happiness could be unbearable. There is a pressure to be 'on' all day which is totally exhausting, and someone with depression may feel ashamed and disappointed in themselves if they are unable to fabricate this norm of 'Christmas spirit'. For those who might feel lonely enough in the world as it is, this pressure can be detrimental and result in social isolation from family, potentially inducing a depressive episode. Here are a few things to try and help cope with feelings of depression:

1. A Time Out- Set yourself timings. Spend half an hour helping your dad chop the vegetables and season the turkey, and then allow yourself a half an hour 'break' to yourself. This will help break up the day, and prevent the feeling of exhaustion from trying to be 'on' all day. 
2. Exercise- this is known to be therapeutic for depression. Go for a Christmas morning walk with your family, or a light jog alone if you want some time to yourself.
3. Avoid alcohol- alcohol is a depressant, and if you are on antidepressants their effect may be diminished by the influence of alcohol. Think carefully about whether you feel like you're in a good place before having a glass or two of wine. 

Grief

Christmas can be a trigger for those of us who have lost something special. It make the holidays a time for bereavement rather than celebration. It might be that someone you love is spending their Christmas in hospital, or maybe there is an extra place mat for your dinner table that won't be used. Perhaps there's an empty dog basket by the fireplace where your best friend in the world should be. 

"The absence of a loved one is noted and emphasized by what is supposed to be a time of celebration"

 I wish more than anything there was a pill you could take, or potion to drink, but the truth is everyone responds differently to grief. The main emotions are denial, anger, regret and sadness, people will experience these at different times and intensities. Unfortunately there is no prescription for coping with a loss, however here are few things that could help with your grief:

1. A Stocking- hang a stocking up in honor of your loss. Throughout the holiday, little gifts or items can be put in, and at some point in your Christmas day as a family you each take it in turns to take a gift out and talk about what memory it brings. This generates sentimental, comfortable, reminiscent conversation about their wonderful existence.
2. A Ritual- Is there something your sister, cousin, grandad, dog or friend loved to do at Christmas? Play their favourite Christmas song, go on a Christmas Eve walk past the pond where it once took an hour to convince the dog to come out. Doing something like this can be very healing.
3. Cry- if you need to cry, cry. You won't ruin Christmas by crying, it is an honest expression of emotion that might pave the way for other family members who are struggling to cope with their own emotions. 

Eating disorders

Christmas comes with a focus on indulging. For people with eating disorders, the prospect of Christmas dinner is absolutely terrifying. Not just because of the bottomless dish of roast potatoes and boxes of chocolate, but because of the fear of failing your family. Your eating behaviour dictates whether everyone else will enjoy the rest of the day. Christmas for me felt like an exam I would either pass or fail, and going to the toilet during the meal was cheating.

A wonderfully accurate sign I saw in a Christmas market

 I sometimes felt as if everyone's eyes were burning holes in my back as I left the table. There's the sadness in your grandma's eyes when you politely say no to her Christmas Pudding, and there are deep frown lines indented on dad's forehead when your plate has two carrots, a piece of turkey and a roast potato that he'll inevitably be eating himself. I'm going to give you a few things to have a go at doing if you or a family member are struggling to cope with your eating disorder on Christmas: 

1. Christmas is NOT about food- take the focus away from food. Emphasize to yourself or to the individual suffering the importance of other aspects of Christmas: meeting up with friends at the pub after Church, catching up with your brother who's come back from university and hearing about his endless drunken escapades. Focusing on these positive aspects make the negative thoughts associated with food less central and less stressful.
2. Use a small plate- Use a smaller plate and try to fill it. This helps you to put enough on your plate to keep dad's frown lines at bay, but also allows you to go at your own pace comfortably and either leave a little if you're getting full, or have second portions if you are still hungry! 
3. Don't be alone- When alone, you isolate yourself from your family and rely on your disordered behaviours to get you through the day. I know this is the easiest and most painless thing to do, but your family will be trying very hard with you so try and reciprocate that and join in. Ask your cousin to come for a walk with you, or play a game of pictionary (and WIN) or watch the Grinch for the eighth time!

Elves have got it right

You're not being a scrooge

Hopefully you can see that your anxieties and worries about Christmas day don't make you an awful person, they are understandable, natural, but most importantly relievable. I know the tips I have given won't work for everyone, and I'm not saying that there is a quick fix or a miraculous trick to turn off your struggles for one day.

I am also aware that there are people who will be suffering with anxiety, substance abuse, OCD, work stress, break-ups, but I hope you find that you can use or adapt a couple of the tips I have suggested to look after your mental health this Christmas.

You're not alone in your struggle at this time of year, I'm nervous about Christmas because of bulimic tendencies that try to elbow their way into my day, you might be nervous about resisting alcohol or experiencing a panic attack. Have a go with me at using a couple of the tips above, or if they don't appeal to you and your coping mechanisms then do a little research and explore other ways of looking after yourself. 

Thinking of the 20,000 families who will be missing a brother, sister, or parent on December the 25th, please mind your mental health this Christmas to make sure it isn't your sofa that's left with an empty you-sized space xxx

Let's all be a bit more Buddy this Christmas